shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
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