Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
Randomize
