Duck Duck Cougar?
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
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