Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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