if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
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I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
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It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
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