if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
