She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
