Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
