Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
