dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
