i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Drunk walkin through police station. America
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
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