That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
