Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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