just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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