i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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