remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
