Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
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