She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
