Duck Duck Cougar?
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
jump out the window naked night went bad
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
