So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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