Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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