I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
