dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
The feeling are messing with the penis
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
