Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize