I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize