isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
