She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
