I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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