Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
