epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
