I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
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