this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
