Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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