I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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