just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
you will always have a special place in my vag
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
