oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
