my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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