Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
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