I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
