Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Randomize
