I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
