He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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