this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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