My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
