I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
