ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize