2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
