maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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