i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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