We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
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