Who wears a wallet chain?!
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Randomize
