Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Randomize
