why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
