never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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