Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My ass is underappreciated
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
