He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
