Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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