Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Randomize
