Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
jump out the window naked night went bad
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