I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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