Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
