im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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