Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize