either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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