Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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