FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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