Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
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