I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
We're like a lot better than the average bears
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
