theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
The uberlube is also flammable
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
