Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
