If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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