The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
