I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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