Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Randomize
