Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
