my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
